Scandal Alert: Matthew McConaughey caught making out with a baby again. [TMZ]

Ellen Pompeo has finally found someone to marry her bony ass. And shockingly, he’s not a forensic anthropologist. [Celebrity Nation]

Kelly Clarkson is so cute – I just want to feed her sausages all day. I think she’d like that. [The Skinny Website]

In a fit of rage, a soccer mom bitches out Tom Cruise for scaring her son with all the paparazzi. Looks like she’s never going to achieve Operating Thetan Level II now. [Celebrity Week]

The Britney & K-Fed Sex Tape – pray for its non-existence. [The Evil Beet]

Nicole Richie’s rapid weight loss was apparently the result of gastric bypass surgery which has since been reversed. Man, I knew I should have went with Jack Palance in this month’s death pool, but no, I had to go with the sure thing and vote Nicole. I’m such a fucking idiot. [Tabloid Whore]

Dr. House saves Borat from getting his ass kicked on the streets of New York. No, I am not pitching a sketch. [Best Week Ever]

Pamela Anderson calls the paparazzi “super-idiots”. In unrelated news, pot calls kettle “super-black”. [Hotrag.net]

Eva Longoria and Beyonce to get their gay on in a new film to be directed by Sofia Coppola…or me after some well-placed chloroform and lipstick. [Jesus Hearts Music]

Ashley Judd hates FHM, especially after they named her one of the sexiest women alive. Maybe they should have just named her one of the bitchiest women alive and called it a day. [Celebrity Silliness]