After 761 painful days of marriage, Britney Spears has officially filed for divorce from rap sensation Kevin Federline. While no specific reason has been given for the split, sources say Britney dumped her husband because THE GUY WAS A FUCKING DOUCHE-BAG.

From TMZ:

TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees.

While I am happy to see Britney finally come to her senses, I am a bit disappointed that she only managed to have two children during her marriage of 23 months. Talk about a pathetic display of breeding. She could have easily popped out another one if only she had planned those C-sections a little earlier. Thanks a lot, Britney; your poor planning has just robbed the world of another future scientist.

Editor’s Note: If it was that impossible for K-Fed to stay clean shaven while living in a multi-million dollar Malibu mansion with both running water and piles of money at every turn, can you imagine what he’s going to look like after Britney kicks him to the curb [literal use of the phrase]. He’ll end up looking like fucking Grizzly Adams. Only instead of befriending bears, he’ll be out there befriending black people for street cred and “spare change for a brother”. Hmmm, now that I think about it, there’s no way he even lives long enough to grow a beard like that. Idiot.

Editor’s Note Part Deux: Yes, I know I’m about twenty-four hours late with this story, but I was much too busy laughing and pointing at all the Republicans in my neighborhood yesterday. Did you know that by making fun of a Republican, you’re twice as likely to get shot than if you made fun of a Democrat? Yeah, I didn’t know that either. On the plus side though, they’re also twice as likely to pray over your wounded body until the ambulance comes. A complicated lot those Republicans be.