Wentworth Miller may be the coolest man on television, but if he starts to read this blog, I may just have to start bashing him. Hey, it’s just how I roll, man. Mommy didn’t love me. [Faded Youth]

If that’s coke up Lindsay Lohan’s nose, I wonder what secrets a camera up her ass might reveal. Ok, now that I’ve wondered a little more, I definitely don’t want to know. [The Evil Beet]

I’d rather eat a whole box of those new ChocoStix than have sex or even shake hands with Pamela Anderson. And just so we’re clear, the last time I ate something with chocolate on it, my throat swelled up and I ended up in a coma for six years. [The Skinny Website]

Chris Daughtry taunts me by naming his first single “It’s Not Over”. We’ll see come January, Mr. Funny Man. [Tabloid Whore]

By releasing her own brand of dolls, Gwen Stefani has given thousands of Chinese children something to do now. And for ten cents an hour too. [Popbytes]

Even when he doesn’t have somebody else’s cock in his mouth, Elton John’s mouth is still dirtier than most of the dishes in my sink. [Celebrity Silliness]

Frankie Muniz is ripped like a 12-year-old boy. Or girl. Or me. [Dlisted]

Shanna Moakler is even more pathetic than her estranged husband Travis Barker and he had sex with Paris Hilton. [Hotrag.net]

Kirstie Alley is still fat. You know it. I know it. The guy who works the drive thru at Burger King knows it. [TMZ]

Lance Armstrong finishes the NYC marathon in the same amount of time it takes Matthew McConaughey to finish off a case of beer. [Celebrity Nation]