Further proof that your god has abandoned you. [Dlisted]

I have no idea who Amy Winehouse is, but apparently, she’s the one who ran over that poor Gypsy girl last month. “Thinner…” [The Skinny Website]

Chris Rock’s mother claims she was discriminated against by Cracker Barrel restaurant. Well, duh! What was her next stop? White Castle? [Tabloid Whore]

Meet the cast of “The Real Word: Denver”. Can you spot the drunken whore? Wait, too easy. How about this one: can you spot the classy role model? Yeah, me neither. [Popbytes]

Yet another experiment to prove that Nicky Hilton does indeed kill erections everywhere. [Jordon Is Your Homeboy]

Brad Pitt and Gwyenth Paltrow will reunite on the big screen for “Dirty Tricks“, which I guess is a whole lot better than reuniting in my basement for a threesome. [Celebrity Silliness]

Did Tori Spelling’s husband somehow impregnate her chest cavity? And if so, I’ll need instructions how. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Personally, I think Sofia Coppola got pregnant just so she wouldn’t have to be the ugliest thing on the planet anymore. [Celebrity Week]

Want to be a hero? Kill O.J. Simpson. Slowly. [Best Week Ever]

Jessica Simpson is now her own publicist. I’m sorry, folks, but it really doesn’t get any funnier than that. [The Green Straw]