Bill Clinton and Sheryl Crow party like it’s 1994. And if George W. was here cutting up the blow, so would I. [My Green Straw]

I hope the government keeps a close eye on Angelina’s adopted daughter from Ethiopia and Madonna’s adopted son from Malawi because we really don’t need the two of them to get together twenty years from now and start an outbreak of AIDS in Hollywood. No, wait a minute, we do. [Tabloid Whore]

I hate Donald Trump and Donald Trump hates Angelina Jolie. I guess that makes the enemy of my enemy my new fuck buddy. [Celebrity Silliness]

Ashlee Simpson’s bra slip bores me. May I suggest something involving a wet sidewalk and broken neck next time? [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Should Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston start dating? I think so because then I could hit them both with just one head of lettuce. [Popbytes]

Alec Baldwin was caught yelling at someone again. Only this time he had his clothes on and wasn’t standing in the middle of my kitchen with a frying pan. [Derek Hail]

I honestly have no idea what’s going on with Beyonce here and I really don’t want to know either. [Dlisted]

There’s a secret new diet pill in Hollywood called Clenbuterol, which is only legal in treating horses with asthma. Insert your own Sarah Jessica Parker and/or Hilary Duff joke here. [The Skinny Website]

If Carmen Electra plans on dressing like that, then she really needs to stop by my place and register her whip. It’s the law, you know. [Hotrag.net]

Bea Arthur for Man of the Year President! [Best Week Ever]