Still reeling after his messy divorce from Kim Basinger almost four years ago, actor Alec Baldwin has revealed to GQ that the horrible lies of his ex-wife got so bad, he actually wanted to die than face another day of her crazy relentless bullshit.

From Page Six:

“My ex-wife once said, ‘He’s Saddam Hussein.’ She said that. And I thought, ‘Do I hide myself in cramped underground quarters? Do I like to shoot firearms in a celebratory way? Did I execute whole villages of people and bulldoze their bodies into a pit? What are you saying? Explain this to me.’ ”

When Baldwin got hit with Basinger’s legal missives, “it said all of these things, like I wasn’t a good father [to 10-year-old daughter Ireland] . . . I remember lying in bed, thinking I wanted to die on the spot . . . I would say, ‘Please don’t let me wake up. I can’t face another day.’ “

Always the comedian, Baldwin then went on to describe one of Basinger’s lawyers as if he was pretending to be me for a day.

More from Page Six:

“[Judy] Bogen, she’s this 300-pound homunculus whose face looks like a cross between a bulldog and a clenched fist. She’s this hideously angry-looking woman. She’d snarl and hiss.”

Then finally, after defending Charlie Sheen by calling him nothing more than “one of the great horndogs of his generation”, Baldwin tackled the always tricky subject of Tom Cruise and actually came off as sounding pretty sensible.

Even more from Page Six:

“I think what’s been done to Tom is kind of silly. I don’t really understand Tom’s religious beliefs; nor do I want to. All I know is I don’t see people who are disciples of Tom’s faith driving planes into the World Trade Center. When Scientologists start crashing planes into the Pentagon, then I think we should sit Tom down and have a grand jury talk to him. In the meantime, let’s just leave him alone.”

Since I am obviously not a gentleman and therefore won’t be allowed to legally purchase a copy of GQ this month, I think I’m going to head on down to Krispy Kreme and invite Alec Baldwin out for a few drinks tomorrow night. This way he can re-enact the entire interview in front of me and I won’t have to stand outside the 7-11 across from the country club again, begging one of its members to go inside and buy me the latest copy of GQ.

[Stuff like that can get pretty humiliating, you know – especially when you're the only kid in the parking lot over the age of 30 and your skateboard is a skinny plastic one from 1977.]

On top of that, I’m pretty sure that watching a drunken Alec Baldwin answer questions is a lot funnier than reading the answers of a drunken Alec Baldwin. I’ll just have to remember not to laugh too hard or call him a funny guy because he does appear to be the type who would turn on a dime and get all “goodfellas” on you.

And then, before you know it, he’s spouting shit like “I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you?” and you’re just sitting there thinking, “What the fuck just happened? Is this fuckin’ guy gonna eat me now or what?”

Editor’s Note: With this post, the photograph of Lindsay Lohan’s nasty vagina has now been pushed off the front page. All good things…