If you hate Jessica Simpson as much as I hate you, then you must really hate me right now and that’s okay. After all, of my last five posts, two of the them have to do with her and not one of them has to do with you and that probably makes you pretty damn jealous, now doesn’t it?

In my defense, I can only say that it’s pretty irresistible not to post pictures of Jessica Simpson, especially when she dresses up like a groupie for Warrant one day and then some sort of Puritan dilemma the next. Hell, look at what she’s wearing here today – a pair of Captain Morgans with an Ann-Margret “Shag Me” dress. Not many women would be stupid enough to try and pull that off. Not even you, bit-bit.

Plus, bitch, the last time I saw a photograph of you, you looked like you were ready to pop and this ain’t no blog about Thanksgiving turkeys, Britney. Now go take your crying into the corner – you’re beginning to annoy me and I’ve got shit to do.

Editor’s Note: The LSD is telling me that Jessica looks like a giant grape out to exact revenge for her squashed brethren by donning the most kickass boots imaginable and stomping on any human she comes into contact with.

Yeah, and you thought drinking all that wine never hurt anyone but your liver.