For the past month or so, this blog has been facing a series of technical difficulties brought on by my current host’s complete inability to do their fucking job correctly.

While I’m still not sure what the problem is over there, I do know that I should probably begin my hunt for a new host before this blog goes down for another three hours today and my mother’s back on the phone, calling me because she can’t get her daily fill of celebrity penis talk.

The problem though is that I’ve been so depressed lately, I’m actually finding it hard to leave the corner and stop crying. Even my sister’s old Raggedy Ann doll – which I managed to reacquire after a daring heist – has failed to comfort me or give me any strength beyond that of pissing my own pants.

Therefore – in an effort to cheer myself up – I’ve decided to post these pictures of Jessica Biel. Not only is she one of the few actresses in Hollywood not currently trying to starve themselves to achieve all the sexiness of a no. 2 pencil, but she could probably break one in two using nothing more than her all-powerful ass cheeks and maybe a quick swig of whiskey to kill the pain. A real talent if you ask me and I’ve been to Thailand too.

Editor’s Note: Yes, I am well aware that no matter how good my life gets, it will always pale in comparison to that of Jessica Biel’s dog.

Update: Amazingly enough, less than one minute after I published this post, the blog went down for an hour or so. I kid you not. If you need me, I’ll be back in my corner.