Sorry Guys, But This One’s Taken
As a world-renowned friend to celebrities everywhere, I’d like to take this moment to reach out to Britney Spears since she’s so deperately in need of one.
[/begin Truman Capote voice]
Britney, girl, you need to get yourself a mirror. Not tomorrow, not tonight, but NOW. Preferably something that’s full-length, double-wide, and comes with a nice pair of prescription eyeglasses. Because right now, darling, you look like you just rolled off some soiled mattress in a Malibu crack house and Corey Haim’s about to come looking for you. Definitely NOT a good look – no matter how appealing it may sound – and definitely NOT cool…for any of us.
[/end Truman Capote voice]
Special Note to Mel Gibson: Since you’re the one who “owns†Malibu now, it’s your responsibility to keep it clean. Don’t make me have to tell you again, mister, because if I do, that’s it. No prom.
[Britney Spears - Outside A Malibu Toy Store / August 6, 2006 - Click To Enlarge]
Re your choice for the largest/main photo of Britney:
Erich, you have a special knack for finding the most unflattering, visually disturbing pictures of celebrities, and I cannot begin to tell you how much I admire your talent.
Comment by Bevvie — August 8, 2006 @ 3:07 pm
It is a talent I honed over years of looking in the mirror.
Comment by Erich von Stroheim — August 8, 2006 @ 11:04 pm
[...] For we, as a weeping nation of sick, selfish masturbators, will never forget that Britney once looked like a guest star on “Roseanne†or an extra from “Romper Stomper”. Those images, from here on out, will forever creep into any sexual fantasy you have concerning the new and improved Britney Spears, leaving you to most likely end each ten second masturbatory session in a puddle of your own vomit instead of cum. [...]
Pingback by The Blog You Love To Hate»Blog Archive » Britney Spears Looks, Um, Better — April 24, 2007 @ 12:10 pm