Nick Lachey Is A Bad Actor
TRL – July 26, 2006
As someone with both the mental capacity and lifetime goals of a horny but confused fourteen-year-old girl, I usually like to come home, chill on the couch, and watch MTV’s TRL after my grueling shift at Applebee’s everyday [those Mozzarella sticks can get pretty damn heavy after the first couple of hours]. It is so the best part of my day.
So you can probably guess how excited I was yesterday when I turned on the television and saw the coolest man alive Nick Lachey standing there between hosts Vanessa Minnillo and Damien Fahey. As most of you already know, Nick and Vanessa have been dating for some time, but have been trying to keep it on the down low. A ruse that has failed so miserably thus far that even Jessica Simpson herself appeared distracted by it while introducing her own video on last Wednesday’s show.
Therefore, in an effort to expose this truly pathetic cover-up and prove once and for all that Nick and Vanessa are indeed exchanging bodily fluids, I present to you some video of their body language from yesterday’s show. As you can see, they’re about as subtle as me and my cousin at a family reunion.
As an extra-added bonus, I’ve also included Nick’s new video below. As you will soon learn, Nick has the power to control the weather through pouting, but still can’t grow a full beard. But hey, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Most women can’t.
Nick Lachey – “I Can’t Hate You Anymore”
Editor’s Note: What?
Have you seen the video of Nick and Vanessa at the outdoor cafe? Vanessa is trying to get Nick to kiss her — subtle she is not — and Nick isn’t having any of it. It’s painfully obvious to everyone on the planet EXCEPT VANESSA, Nick is not interested. He sits in his chair ramrod straight while Vanessa literally crawls over the table. As the coveted kiss continues to elude her, Vanessa spends waaaaay too much time SRATCHING UNDER NICK’S CHIN. Honest to God, it is exactly like watching someone pet their cat. It’s one of those disturbing, cringe inducing scenes that rendered me embarrassed FOR her. Someone needs to send girlfriend a copy of the book “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Because Vanessa, honey, he’s just not that into you…
Comment by Bevvie — July 30, 2006 @ 1:00 am
No, I haven’t seen the video, but after reading your rousing description of it, I feel as if I have.
Poor Vanessa, she should go get drunk and sleep with his brother. Or her brother. Or me. I really don’t care which as long as Nick learns a lesson.
Comment by Erich von Stroheim — August 2, 2006 @ 11:23 am