And I’m not kidding either. This new reality show from the Sci-Fi channel made me laugh so hard last night I thought I was going to piss myself. Not an easy feat considering I am one of the most sullen people on the planet and seriously despise almost all forms of comedy. Yes, even “Laverne & Shirley”.

Called “Who Wants To Be A Superhero?”, the show follows twelve wannabe superheroes – all with names and costumes of their own creation – as they compete in a series of tasks to determine who will win the grandest prize of them all. Namely, a comic book and original Sci-Fi movie based on their own delusions.

Monitored closely by comic book legend Stan Lee, each task is specifically constructed to test both the courage and compassion of each contestant, and not just their superpowers since they really don’t have any. Take the first task, for example.

Dropped off in the middle of what I assumed to be downtown Los Angeles, each contestant had to find a place to secretly change into their costume before racing to the finish line. However, unbeknownst to them, the real task was to help a lost little girl strategically placed near that same finish line. While most of the contestants failed to stop, the few who actually did made for some pretty entertaining television, particularly Major Victory who shouted out “Who is this child’s mother?” like a drunk Val Kilmer to a park full of stunned onlookers. You can see that scene above.

Now it was pretty obvious from the get go that some of these people were more aspiring actors than aspiring superheroes, but since the group is nicely leveled out to include both escapees obviously off their meds and fetishists currently vacationing from their bedrooms, I didn’t find myself the least bit distracted by it. In fact, my favorite superhero – Major Victory – is actually an actor [Chris Watters] with his very own website and MySpace. And while I usually hate media whores and camera fuckers like that, this guy just cracks me up and I’m definitely pulling for him to win the whole thing.

So I urge you all to tune in to Sci-Fi every Thursday night at 9 PM est. The show is so blissfully absurd, it’s almost impossible not to like. I just hope that when it’s on next week, I’m still in my manic stage because if I’m not, I’m probably just going to delete this post and pretend it never existed. And if that happens, just go with it. It’s safer that way.

As someone with both the mental capacity and lifetime goals of a horny but confused fourteen-year-old girl, I usually like to come home, chill on the couch, and watch MTV’s TRL after my grueling shift at Applebee’s everyday [those Mozzarella sticks can get pretty damn heavy after the first couple of hours]. It is so the best part of my day.

So you can probably guess how excited I was yesterday when I turned on the television and saw the coolest man alive Nick Lachey standing there between hosts Vanessa Minnillo and Damien Fahey. As most of you already know, Nick and Vanessa have been dating for some time, but have been trying to keep it on the down low. A ruse that has failed so miserably thus far that even Jessica Simpson herself appeared distracted by it while introducing her own video on last Wednesday’s show.

Therefore, in an effort to expose this truly pathetic cover-up and prove once and for all that Nick and Vanessa are indeed exchanging bodily fluids, I present to you some video of their body language from yesterday’s show. As you can see, they’re about as subtle as me and my cousin at a family reunion.

As an extra-added bonus, I’ve also included Nick’s new video below. As you will soon learn, Nick has the power to control the weather through pouting, but still can’t grow a full beard. But hey, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Most women can’t.

Sorry guys, but if Halle Berry was pregnant, I think I’d know about it. After all, I am a licensed gynecologist…fucker of Halle Berry…ok…bullshit artist.[The Green Straw]

Further proof that Sienna Miller is really just a midget walking around on flesh-colored stilts. [The Skinny Website]

Once again, Lindsay Lohan faints because of the “heat”. Man, is she even going to be awake during her eternity in Hell? Because if she isn’t, I call first dibs on using her as a footrest. [Tabloid Whore]

Regis & Kelly could be the new God peddlers for the 21st century. [Manhattan Offender]

I knew it. Lance Bass would have been the first gay man in space. Aside from my Uncle Steve, of course. [The Velvet Hot Tub]

Tom Hanks has a bulge…in front of children! Heathen. [Best Week Ever]

I don’t want to sound racist, but I’m totally against wax couples having wax children. [Celebrity Nation]

Prince is getting a divorce. Cue the blubbering doves. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Could there be anything more fun than picking apart Shannen Doherty’s face? Ok, besides that, you sicko. [Popbytes]

Tori Spelling really wishes she went with the gold implants. [Dlisted]

If you’re like me – someone who revels in the misery of others – then you’ve no doubt been enjoying the recent trials and tribulations of Hollywood bad boy Colin Farrell. His problems with alleged stalker Dessarae Bradford and her continuing efforts to make it appear as if he’s the one actually stalking her have been so bloody outlandish of late that it makes my own stalking of Jessica Biel look like a pathetic third-grade crush.

So without further ado, I present to you the newest chapter in the Colin/Dessarae saga. A little chapter I like to call “Delivery from a Dead Man”.

According to Contact Music, Colin Farrell’s alleged stalker Dessarae Bradford hired private investigator Doug Standefer to serve the actor with the same papers she was unable to when she confronted him during a taping of “The Tonight Show”.

From Contact Music:

He handed over the papers at the MIAMI VICE premiere in Hollywood on Thursday night. Standefer claims he conned Farrell into signing the back of the papers before stating, “Colin Farrell, you’ve been served by Desserae Bradford.” The grey-haired private investigator admits it was then that things turned nasty – Farrell hurled abuse at him and his life was threatened.

He tells US TV show ACCESS HOLLYWOOD, “One of his bodyguards or handlers followed me and started screaming at me, telling me that if I ever came to another premiere again, it would be my last outing. “He was a scary guy. He was right in my face – two inches from me.”

Once again, pretty entertaining stuff out of Hollywood. The only problem though is that this whole fiasco – most likely born from a pretty [un]remarkable one night stand between the two – is beginning to involve more than five people and that just shouldn’t be allowed to happen. Because if this thing ever really grows out of control, the entire nation could easily get caught up in it and the next thing you know, mobs of mad black women [without their diaries] will be beating my poor Irish ass on the streets of NY after a verdict comes down in Colin’s favor.

Special Note to P.I. Doug Standefer: I really hope you do a vanity search one day and come across this blog because I think there’s something you should know. You’re a girl.