In a thinly veiled attempt to further market “The Da Vinci Code”, actor Tom Hanks was awarded a spot in the “Guinness Book of World Records” Wednesday after editors of the book decided to create a record around something he did almost four years ago. Named “Actor with Most Consecutive $100 Million-Grossing Movies”, Hanks is expected to hold the record [seven] for years to come or at least until James Belushi decides to leave television to start making movies again.

From E! Online:

America’s favorite movie star started his lucrative streak with Saving Private Ryan ($216.5 million) in 1998 and capped it with 2002’s Catch Me If You Can ($164.6 million).

Although The Ladykillers ($39.8 million) and The Terminal ($77.9 million) terminated his streak, The Polar Express and its $162.8 million showing laid the foundation for a new record. Hanks’ next effort is almost sure to prolong his box-office prowess, although $100 million might be aiming a little low.

Maybe it’s my period but I couldn’t help but burst into tears after reading this story tonight. To think that movies make that much money while people are starving all over the world just makes me sad and longing to be hugged.

What is it about a movie that convinces people to pay upwards of ten dollars a head to see it? Surely, there must be cheaper and more creative ways to be entertained than to pay people with lots of money even more money to do it for you. For example, instead of going to see “Poseidon” this weekend, why not just take that ten dollars and put it back into your community by purchasing a jug of Carlo Rossi and a blow job. After all, hookers and liquor store owners need to eat too, you know.

As for my entertainment dollar, I’ve decided to put it back into my community by forming an organization called SAG [Starving Anorexic Gamins]. This way I’ll be able help the good people of Morocco out and maybe even convince them to give me my passport back in the process.

Fun Educational Fact: Here in Morocco, we piss in pails and shit in buckets. Remember that in case you ever visit because there’s nothing more embarrassing than mixing the two of them up.

If I was Mindy Cohn, I’d definitely be laughing my fat homely ass off right about now. If only because it’s getting more and more difficult to point out “the fat one” with each passing year.

Remind me to take Nicole Richie with me the next time I go to play Bingo. [The Green Straw]

Well, it appears the poison just didn’t work. I guess it’s on to plan B then. Kill Tony Danza with a falling safe and/or piano. Hmmm. How about a piano inside a safe? Yeah, that should do it. [Best Week Ever]

Angelina Jolie’s new weight loss plan: eat one Saltine for dinner instead of two. [Celebrity Nation]

Is there anything in this world that Tom Cruise won’t smile and applaud for? Ok, besides naked women. [In Case You Didn't Know]

Kathy Griffin is a strong black woman just like me and Lindsay Lohan. [Popbytes]

Fiona Apple eats anything but… [The Skinny Website]

Finally. Star Jones is going to be fired from a cannon. No, wait. Make that “The View”. Yes, Star Jones is going to be fired from “The View”. Man, I really need to start paying attention more. [Tabloid Whore]

Looks like Jake Gyllenhaal may be shaving off his beard now that he’s found another one. [The Superficial]

Alexis Bledel has such nice blue eyes. I wonder how much they cost her. [Yeeah!]

Reese Witherspoon proves once again that real bitches don’t cry. [Dlisted]

It’s up to you, America.

It’s up to you to guess which one of tonight’s “American Idol” contestants has a nasty habit of picking his nose before shaking someone’s hand.

Are you ready?

Good. Please make your guess now.

Ok, for those of you who just guessed “Katharine McPhee”, please follow the yellow line down the corridor to the gas chamber. You are a complete fucking idiot who needs to be killed immediately before you breed and contaminate the population with your genetic stupidity. After all, I did say “his” nose, now didn’t I?

If, however, you guessed “Chris Daughtry”, then you, my friend, are smarter than you look and obviously reviewed the above video beforehand.

As you can see from the video, tonight’s four finalists took a trip to Graceland this week and were greeted by Priscilla Presley. While no nose picking is evident at this stage of the visit, I did go ahead and include it anyway because watching Pricilla descend from those front steps while clapping is a pretty creepy thing to witness. In fact, if Michael Jackson and Mr. Burns weren’t actually fictional cartoon characters, I’d probably say that she was indeed their love child.

But anyway, as the video progresses, you will see the four contestants walk into the mansion and greet legendary music mogul Tommy Mottola at a piano. Since Taylor Hicks is leading the pack, he shakes Tommy’s hand first. After that, it’s Elliott Yamin’s turn with Chris Daughtry right behind him. It’s clear to him that he’s going to shake Tommy’s hand next. Too bad he’s wrong; because out of nowhere, Katharine thrusts her hand forward and Tommy takes it. This leaves Chris to pull his hand back and pick his nose before reaching out again for Tommy. And just as the two are about to shake hands, the video suspiciously cuts away to a medium shot of Tommy Mottola being interviewed.

So yeah, you don’t actually see the two of them shaking hands, but you just know it happened. The producers just cut it out because “American Idol” is supposed to be family-friendly and, as we all know, wiping your boogers on someone is not only terribly disgusting, but also a pretty popular form of foreplay in Bangladesh.

For Jessica’s sake, I hope that orange cone in the background was set up for Greg and Marcia’s driving test this weekend and wasn’t actually there to attend The 2006 NCLR ALMA awards like Ms. Simpson was because that would have been just be downright embarrassing for the both of them. To have them both show up like that at the same function wearing essentially the same thing would have been absolutely catastrophic and would have definitely led to some kind of catfight. A fight that would have most likely ended with the orange cone in the hospital and Jessica in the drunk tank.

Editor’s Note: After examining the photograph further, I noticed that there is no egg on top of the orange cone. This leads me to believe that the orange cone was not there to measure the Bradys and prove that Greg was a sexist pig, but was instead there to attend the awards show and have a good time. Since no reputable news organization is currently reporting on any type of confrontation between the two, I think it is safe to assume that Jessica and the cone never crossed paths that night or were even aware of each other.

See, God answers the little prayers too.