Rachel Weisz Is Pretty…Pretty Ugly
Before you accidentally beat actress Rachel Weisz to death with that rolled up newspaper in your hand, I think there’s something you should know. Those aren’t flesh-eating caterpillars on her forehead, but unruly eyebrows attempting to join together in a quest to make her look more Italian.
According to The Sun, Rachel Weisz has been battling hairy eyebrows for most of her life and relies on a strict beauty regime to keep them from taking over her face.
From The Sun:
She said: “They end up looking like something from Planet Of The Apes if I don’t pluck them regularly.â€
Rachel, who won an Oscar for The Constant Gardener, added: “LA makes you feel ugly.â€
As many of you already know, I’m an incredibly brave man with considerable ambition and immeasurable courage. So much so that even blind lion tamers and people who’ve survived sex with Paris Hilton get in line to shake my hand – not the other way around. That being said, I fear that I may have been wasting all this greatness of late and aim to rectify this by embarking on one of the most perilous journeys of all time.
On May 22, 2006, I will leave this blog for five days and travel deep into the heart of Rachel Weisz’s vagina. With only a machete in hand, I will search desperately for something of historical importance like, say, the Ark of the Covenant, Darren Aronofsky’s lost film “The Fountainâ€, or your favorite earring. While legend has it that the Weisz vagina is even hairier than the Weisz eyebrows, I promise you that I will survive and bring this great nation of ours some much-deserved glory in the process.
Editor’s Note: To show that I am not completely foolhardy, I’ve employed the Fiennes brothers as my guides. They know the vagina well.
Source: [The Sun]
While you’re in there, please look around for Jimmy Hoffa.
Comment by Bevvie — May 5, 2006 @ 10:07 am
Jimmy Hoffa is just a myth like Jesus and my intelligence.
Comment by Erich von Stroheim — May 5, 2006 @ 5:35 pm
[...] As I mentioned in a previous post, I will be leaving on Monday to explore the unknown. If I am not back by May 29th, my possessions are to be divided among my most faithful readers: Bevvie, Virenda, Barb, Babydoll, Shane, Oprah, and Tom Cruise. [The Blog You Love To Hate] Filed under: Celebrities, Gossip, Gossip You Love To Hate — Erich von Stroheim @ 11:57 pm [...]
Pingback by The Blog You Love To Hate»Blog Archive » The Gossip You Love To Hate — May 19, 2006 @ 12:28 am
[...] After toiling away for ten days in the jungle that is Rachel Weisz’s vagina, I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been sorely neglecting the needs and wants of this blog’s female readership. Therefore – in an attempt to rectify this appalling oversight – I have decided that, from now on, I will make a more conscious effort to mock the idiocy of just as many male celebrities as I do female celebrities and even include some sexy photographs of them in the process. This way members of both sexes and/or sexual orientations will be able to share in the joy the Hebrews call “orgasmic laughterâ€, leaving only peace left to ring out across the land. [...]
Pingback by The Blog You Love To Hate»Blog Archive » Tobey Maguire Is Hot — May 30, 2006 @ 6:59 pm
[...] For those wondering why, I urge you to read this post and substitute the date “May 22, 2006†with “right fucking nowâ€. [...]
Pingback by The Blog You Love To Hate»Blog Archive » Jessica Alba Is My Last Post — May 17, 2007 @ 1:19 am
Well if you have to travel that is a good place to start!!! Bring night vision goggles — it could get scary!
Comment by Celebridiot — May 25, 2007 @ 9:27 am