In an upcoming edition of People magazine’s special “Celeb Diet & Fitness” issue, “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest reveals that not only was he quite the fat ass when he was younger, but that he also weighed in at almost 180 pounds by the time he was just 13-years-old.

From Yahoo!:

“I was overweight,” he confesses, “because I used to come home and eat a cookie sheet pan of nachos and watch OPRAH every day of my life.”

He tells People he was taunted by schoolmates who called him “Kubiak” after the bulky character on the TV series “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose,” and says he dreaded going to the beach because he had to take his shirt off and display his flabby mid-section.

I don’t know about you, but I personally find this admission by Ryan Seacrest to be quite startling; especially since he now weighs about as much as my penis. Or maybe even your penis – if, like mine, your penis weighs approximately 157 pounds. Which I’m pretty sure it doesn’t, so don’t even bother lying about it or I’ll be forced to call in the penis inspector again. And let me warn you right now, he’s probably going to be pretty cranky when he gets here so just be sure to call him “Tom” this time and not “Jerry Maguire”. He’s a real human being with feelings, you know.

Editor’s Note: No, you are not imagining things. This blog has been experiencing technical difficulties for the past 24 hours. And it’s exactly why on a day like this, I wish I had a fully functional time machine instead of just that crappy prototype in the basement. Because then maybe I could finally go back in time and stop myself from signing up with my current host before it’s too late.

Ah, who am I kidding? I’d probably just end up using it to go back to the year 1987 so I could pick on Ryan Seacrest for being fat and watching Oprah. Oh yeah, and talk myself out of the drag race that crippled my hand too. How could I possibly forget thaaaatt?!?ld’s’