George Clooney Is The New Frankenstein
As any democrat can tell you, wishes just don’t come true. Instead, they just fester inside your head like a boil of bad ideas until you finally snap one day and find yourself writing love letters to Jodie Foster or trying to save all of New Orleans with a red cup. And if wishing is indeed that pathological then someone really needs to find George Clooney as soon as possible because I think he’s about to play God.
According to Contact Music, George Clooney, who recently split from model Lisa Snowden, wishes he could take the different parts of actresses he has worked with in the past and create the perfect woman out of them.
From Contact Music:
He says, “The ideal woman is a mixture.
“She should have Nicole Kidman’s laughter, then the personality of Julia Roberts and the aspect of Michelle Pfeiffer, the quintessence of beauty.
“And finally the ambition of Jennifer Lopez.”
What I find most troubling about this whole situation is that George has starred on two shows called “ER†and might actually think he has the surgical skills to put together his ideal woman. Something that is probably not the case considering he can barely hold a bottle of scotch without shaking.
What I find least troubling about this whole situation, however, is that George wants to build his ideal woman out of actresses I wish were dead anyway. And if that’s the case, I should only encourage him to do so. Sure, there’s always an outside chance that the whole thing might work and he might inadvertently create the most annoying celebrity ever; but if he does, I’ll just go down to the lake and drown the first little girl I see. After that, it should only take the townspeople about a day to finger the blame on George Clooney’s new ideal woman before pulling out the torches and burning them both alive in his Hollywood bungalow.
Source: [Contact Music]
A quibble here–Clooney’s role on the first ER was just supporting. My only real memory of him on that show was when he was moving Martha Quinn (original VJ on MTV way, way back) about in a wheel chair. He had a bigger role in Roseanne but not much bigger. I think he needed gray hair to breakthrough.
Comment by Utenzi — January 12, 2006 @ 1:22 am
Now if you would allow me to quibble…
Having seen all the episodes of “E/R” when they originally aired back in 1984-85 [around the same time Martha Quinn was on the air], I would agree that the show was more of an ensemble piece than a star making vehicle for Clooney. And yes, he was definitely more of a supporting character on the show. I believe he was a paramedic or some kind of technician.
However, I object to your objection of the word “starring” as one does not actually have to be the star of something to star in it. But we could juggle semantics all day long.
I also remember Clooney being on “The Facts of Life” and even in a episode of “The Golden Girls”. So by the time George was on “Roseanne”, he was already well-established in my mind.
And honestly, I can’t believe that you read that entire post and that was your only quibble. The whole thing is a nesting ground for quibbles if you ask me. I mean, I compared Clooney to Frankenstein for crying out loud.
Comment by Erich von Stroheim — January 12, 2006 @ 1:53 am
George doesn’t covet a woman with Julia Robert’s braying, donkey guffaw? That’ll be news to Julia; Maybe now she’ll stop showcasing that annoying cackle every chance she gets. Anyway, where’s the rest of the list? Everyone knows George’s ideal woman wouldn’t be complete without lots of parts harvested directly from Pretty Boy Pitt. Homo.
Comment by God/Bevvie — January 12, 2006 @ 11:06 am
^Oops. I forgot, I’m not God. Sunday isn’t for 3 more days.
Comment by Bevvie — January 12, 2006 @ 11:14 am
Would you want to try and steal Brad Pitt from Angelina? I know I wouldn’t. Sure, the rolling around would be fun, but I think the choking on my own blood would be decidingly less so.
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