According to an interview in the January issue of Elle magazine, actress Kate Winslet has decided to personally aid the good of humanity by vowing to never be naked again. Apparently, the 30-year-old mother of two came to this most brilliant and thankful revelation after filming a sure to be naughty nude scene for the upcoming remake of “All the King’s Men” starring Sean Penn and Jude Law.

From Elle:

“I starved myself for a week because I was completely paranoid about the whole thing,” said Winslet. “I’ve had two kids! And I had to walk across a room naked. It is something I will never be doing again. Ever.”

You know what, Kate? You’re alright. It takes a big actress to admit to her own flaws and an even bigger actress to admit when the sight of those flaws could be dangerous to others. I guess I can finally forgive you now for making my eyes bleed and my penis scream during those “Titanic” love scenes with skinny boy DiCaprio. I swear some of that stuff was almost as bad as watching my poor friend Jimmy Stewart being repeatedly crushed by the monster arms of Kim Novak’s embrace in Alfred Hitchcock’s “Vertigo”.

Note to James Cameron: The above paragraph is as close as you will ever get to being mentioned in the same breath with the great Alfred Hitchcock. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can get back in that water and find me some oysters. The Oscars are coming and my neck is just screaming for pearls.