I pledge to you, my faithful readers, that I will no longer report on any more gossip concerning silent film star Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle. The man is just way too overexposed at the moment and I can tell from all the hate mail I receive that you are all just sick and tired of hearing about his crazy shenanigans every day.

Hopefully, I will be able to substitute those posts with gossip on celebrities that don’t do something stupid on a daily basis; thereby preventing a similar form of overexposure. And, if I somehow manage to find some celebrities that actually fit that criteria, then point me in the direction of the nearest laboratory because I’m curing cancer next.

There comes a time in every smoker’s life when they finally realize that inhaling large amounts of carbon monoxide may not actually aid them in living past the age of 50. For Jude Law’s perennial punching bag Sienna Miller, that realization came just one day after her 24th birthday and just three days before the New Year. How’s that for convenient?

From Contact Music:

British actress SIENNA MILLER has a list of resolutions for 2006, but is desperate to quit smoking.

The ALFIE beauty, 23, has been a smoker since her teenage years and would love to conquer her nicotine addiction.

She says, “I’m going to try to give up smoking.

As many of you already know, I have incredible psychic powers coupled with horrible nose bleeds [and until I start bleeding from my asshole, it’s a trade-off I can live with]. What you don’t know, however, is that I have absolutely no need to employ them to tell you that if Sienna quits smoking, she’s going to blow up faster than my face would if I just swallowed a can of peanuts with some penicillin and a bee hive.

Ricky Martin’s not gay, but his boyfriend is. [A Socialite’s Life]

Not even years of coke abuse can kill the mighty sperm of Don Johnson. [Dlisted]

Toni Collette is hot. And has breasts like my 85-year-old girlfriend. [Egotastic!]

Rachel Nichols obviously plays soccer in the cold. [Hollywood Tuna]

Oprah kills bird with giant plane. Dinner is served. [Perez Hilton]

Britney takes her leech brother shopping instead of her leech husband. [Pink Is The New Blog]

Always a media whore, never a whore. Meet the newest ones from “The Bachelor: Paris”. [Just Jared]

Pam & Tommy Lee really need to live on separate continents or just die. [Hollywood Rag]

Eva Longoria likes to use the words “Mexican” and “cop” in the same sentence. [Defamer]

Johnny Knoxville defends the mentally challenged. Like Steve-O. And me. [The Bosh]